But, we had a rainbow!

I know the image is running over into the right-hand text column, but I wanted to run this large enough for you to read the headline over the jump.

Besides, the rainbow makes up for everything, right? Sometimes they use pictures of cows, too.

Febble

It was quite a week for Times-Standard headlines:

While I have a soft spot for Tiburcio Vasquez, yeah, gotta agree that naming a school after him isn't the best idea. What's next, Juan Soto Elementary or Joaquin Murrieta High?

(And, speaking like the article does of cultural pride, cultural citizenship, and "the question of who writes history," no one's in doubt about Vasquez being hung for the murders during the Tres Pinos robbery. The doubt comes from whether he, or his lieutenant Juan Soto, did the shooting.

So rather than name your school after a bandito, why not, oh, the first California-born governor of the state? Or Jose Limon? Medal of Honor recipient Alfred Rascon? Dolores Huerta? Astronaut Jose Hernandez? And on and on.)

Then we have:

The more you say "febble" the better it gets.

Renewal

I just sent the Times-Standard $83 for a year of paper delivery. No Mondays. Because this kind of entertainment doesn't come cheap:

I love myself!

Today's Funky Friday headline is once again courtesy of the Times-Standard. Way to go, guys!

Rhymes with hirsuit

There is no stopping the Times-Standard:

And lest you think I am picking on them, I don't usually point it out when I see misspellings within the body of articles, or AP stories cut off mid-sentence to make it fit the space...No, just the awesome headlines are enough.

In other news, the vet has decreed my cat is obese.

True San Franciscans

Online today at the San Francisco Chronicle...

I don't agree with a few of these, but...a pretty good poll overall:

You're a true San Franciscan if...

Tweaker Extraordinaraire

(02-15) 17:27 PST CONCORD -- [Will Kane, reporting] A Tracy man who stole a single-engine plane from the Concord airport before crashing it in Fresno was so "extraordinarily" high on methamphetamine that he probably couldn't see straight, authorities said Wednesday. Ray Pirro, 52, died when the four-seat Cessna he was flying apparently ran out of gas and crashed in a Fresno field Feb. 5. No one else was injured.

It wasn't the first crash for Pirro, who didn't have a pilot's license and went to prison in 2003 and 2008 for stealing cars. He crashed his own plane in 1988 when he ran out of gas, but he suffered only minor injuries, according to Federal Aviation Administration records.

Felix Boston, 61, the owner of the stolen plane, said that when emergency crews arrived at the crash site, they found that the cockpit was filled with "Pop-Tarts, energy drinks, chips and Cheez Whiz."

Boston said his plane had been locked but that, like most small planes, it could easily be opened with a screwdriver.

"It had a full tank, the headsets were all there, it was ready," Boston said.
He said he had just reupholstered the cockpit. "I loved that plane, it was my baby - it was the first real plane I ever had," Boston said. "This would make a great movie, wouldn't it?"

Read the full story over at the SF Chronicle.

What is wrong with us?

Today's paper carried a story about the purported link between autism and vaccines. Old story, I know, but as the Times put it, today's story is in the details: the editor-in-chief of the BMJ (British Medical Journal) called the 1998 study "a deliberate fraud."

Nice.

Then over my afternoon snack (a delicious Pinova apple and a fruit 'n' nut Kind bar) I read in Humboldt's Northcoast Journal about the use in the U.S. of hexane, a known neurotoxin, to process soy and oilseed products. Soy milk, soybean oil, corn oil, cottonseed oil, sunflower oil, soy lecithin, the list goes on. Here's a bit from the "Un-natural Foods" article by Ari Levaux in the Journal:

Consider the widespread use of hexane, a neurotoxin, in processed foods that aren’t certified organic (those lame organic standards do at least prohibit hexane use). Hexane is a highly flammable EPA-listed air pollutant that is used in the manufacture of cleaning agents, glues, roof sealer, automobile tires, energy bars and veggie burgers, as well as soy, corn and canola oils. If these food products are not certified organic, some of the ingredients have probably been processed with hexane, no matter how many times the word “natural” is stamped on the package. Since hexane is used in the manufacturing process, it’s not listed as an ingredient in the foods it helps produce, though residues find their way into the finished product. The European Union has strict standards for acceptable hexane residue levels in soy and oilseed products, but in the U.S., there are no such limits.

Nice! Even nicer, when I flipped over the now-empty wrapper of my Kind bar, "soy lecithin" was on the list of ingredients.

Oh, and if you're wondering why hexane gets a free pass in the U.S., it's because it's a by-product of gasoline production. Why pay to dispose of a toxin when you can get paid to add it to the food supply? You know, like mechanically-reclaimed meat.

My step-son Jason was up here visiting us this week, and while pushing back from the dinner table (chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes, and salad) my husband told the story about his last date with Spam. We had it as sushi the last time we were on Oahu, and when we got back home he thought to himself, Oh that was so good! I'm going to get a can of Spam and fry it up just like we used to do when the kids were little. He did, and then suffered the rest of the day with the worst headache he's ever had, worse than any hangover headache. Thank you, Spam.

How has it gotten to the point where using a petroleum waste product to get another 5- or 10-percent more food oil over expeller-pressed methods, or treating living chickens like this so we can buy a dozen eggs for $1.69 is now okay? [Don't click that chicken link unless you're made of stern stuff.]

What is wrong with us as a society that price dictates morals?

And, I wonder how many of those vaccine-avoiding parents stop to think, Was my child's autism caused by a vaccine—or the hexane? Or the BPA? Or the...and the list goes on.

I think at this point, when I'm finally dead and cremated, my body's gonna burn like a DuraFlame log.

Airing of Grievances

(12-13) 14:58 PST Santa Ana, Calif. (AP) --

A Festivus for the rest of us? A convicted drug dealer in California thinks so. He cited his adherence to the holiday celebrated on a famous episode of "Seinfeld" to get better meals at the Orange County Jail.


The Orange County Register reported Monday that Malcolm Alarmo King disliked the salami meals served at the jail, so he used his devotion to Festivus as a reason to get kosher meals reserved for inmates with religious needs.

Keeping kosher is not one of the tenets of Festivus, which was depicted on "Seinfeld" as celebrated with the airing of grievances and the display of an aluminum pole.

Sheriff's spokesman Ryan Burris says King got salami-free meals for two months before the county got the order thrown out in court.

In today's SF Chronicle as well as papers across the country too lazy or cheap to pay reporters to gather local news.


Salami meals? Plural? That's a grievance that needs airing!

Fancy Pants

Oh, you!

Railroad authority says rail not dead

Uh...okay. I guess. Maybe this authority is thinking of some kind of new narrow gauge. Photo and headline courtesy of the Times-Standard.

Busted!

Posted on today's SFGate.com, from an article that originally ran in the Sarasota Herald-Tribune:

Florida Teens Try to Swallow Pot During Traffic Stop

(02-26) 13:27 PST NORTH PORT, Fla. (AP) --

Authorities in southwest Florida said two 19-year-olds unsuccessfully tried to swallow a bag of marijuana during a traffic stop and were charged with tampering with evidence. North Port police reported that an officer stopped the teens on Saturday because their car's high beams were on.

The officer said he noticed the smell of marijuana coming from the vehicle. When he went back to the car after checking their identification, he said he found the pair covered in "little, green leafy-like substance," and they were chewing and having trouble swallowing.

The officer reported finding four grams of marijuana in one of the teen's shoes, leading to an additional possession charge.

The pair have since been released from jail.

Breaking News

Courtesy of the cheezburger folks.

Bizarro Morning

Eugh.

(But thank you, Seattle Post-Intelligencer.)

"Put up or shut up"

What to do about Prop. 2, from The Thin Green Line in the SF Chronicle:

With opposition to Props 7 and 10 virtually universal among greens and progressives, let's talk about Prop 2, the measure that would outlaw caging animals in spaces too small to allow them to stretch their limbs and move around. In theory, it applies to all farm animals, but in practice, it will affect almost exclusively poultry producers in the state.

It's chief sponsor is the Humane Society, and has enough grassroots support not to be a pay-to-play ballot measure brought to voters through the financial might of a business, out-of-state individual, or special interest group.

Factory farming can be an ugly, ugly thing, there's no question about it. PETA's videos on feedlots and pig farms are difficult even to watch. The only sane question to ask is whether Prop 2 is too broad, and might end up outlawing some humane practices as well.

Well worth the read, especially the comments.

A little about Cap

This caught my eye the other day while reading the Eureka Times-Standard:

Kenneth L. Smith, known as "Cap", made his final roll call on the morning of August 12, 2008. He passed away on Fickle Hill surrounded by his sons Roy and Dan and daughter in law Paula...

When asked why he had chosen the Marines, Cap replied "Because I didn't want to be drafted into the Army." His superior's response was "WRONG ANSWER." ...

His regiment was given the assignment of capturing Mount Suribachi which was essential to securing the airfields on the island. He was wounded in battle on the fourth day of the invasion, the same day that his fellow Marines raised the flag on top of Mount Suribachi. ...

His combat experience was probably the defining moment of his life. Upon returning home, he told his mother and sister that while on the hospital shop he made a vow to never worry again. He kept this vow for the rest of his life. He once told his oldest son that everyday he lived after being evacuated from Iwo Jima was a bonus. ...

Cap, always one to enjoy "hoisting a few," directed that any money left over after his cremation be spent on "the winos down at Jimmy Dunn's."

For nearly eighty-four years, Cap lived life pretty much on his own terms. He had a good life. He will be deeply missed by his family.

Forget leaving a beautiful corpse! I want a kick-ass obituary. But now, on this holiday Monday, please join me in hoisting one in memory of all the cool old folks in our life. Cheers!

Economic S'mores

From today's online edition of the NYTimes (full story here):

“This is a huge cow patty with a piece of marshmallow stuck in the middle of it and I am not going to eat that cow patty,” said Representative Paul Broun, Republican of Georgia.

Another awesome poop-as-food quote from our representatives. I am happy to see that my current and past Congressional reps voted NO THANKS to this dessert...how did yours vote?

Slightly?!

The New Scientist ran an article June 4th on wasp/caterpilar parisitism:

Having partially developed inside caterpillars, the larvae of the wasps manipulate their hosts into watching over them as a mother or bodyguard might.

A team that has done extensive field studies with infected caterpillars say they have the first conclusive proof that the manipulative behaviour of some parasitoids increases their chance of survival.

The parasitoid wasp Glyptapanteles lays its eggs, about 80 at a time, in young geometrid caterpillars. The eggs hatch and the larvae feed on the caterpillar's body fluids. When they are fully developed, they eat through the caterpillar's skin, attach themselves to a nearby branch or leaf and wrap themselves up in a cocoon. ... At this point, something remarkable and slightly eerie happens.

The caterpillar, still alive, behaves as though controlled by the cocooned larvae. Instead of going about its usual daily business, it stands arched over the cocoons without moving away or feeding.

The caterpillar – now effectively a zombie – stays alive until the adult wasps hatch.

"We don't know exactly what kills the caterpillars, but it is fascinating that the moment of death seems to be tuned to the duration of the wasp's pupal stage," says Arne Janssen of the University of Amsterdam.

Read the full, horrifying, text here, where you can also watch a video of the zombie in action.

Really

Arrested on suspicion of felony burglary, grand theft, elder abuse and conspiracy were Eric Valentino Vincent, 36, David Marino, 23, and 44-year-old Marco Bunny Bimbo.

Dolter said the latter suspect did, it appears, give his real name.

—http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/01/16/BAN0UGFR4.DTL

E'vil

Didja hear? The Chron says "Berkeley hopes to restore its downtown to life"...

"Berkeley's downtown plan has resulted in a wonderful, vibrant, mixed-use community. It's called Emeryville."

Some things never change.